White elephant

This is on a canvas. I had Micheal Reisman. His poems were amazing. 

Blackout

Reveal

                                     I just want to leave this blank.

I'm Emily Hanks.

                                 

                                 

Music.

messed up.

Darling you should've known

I had it written all over me in spilled ink.

Dark black, just like my heart.

But my heart was already disintegrated.

And before I could realize it, the blood in my mouth

was soon in yours.

Consuming you whole.

I was the stone stabbing your ribs.

The blade in your back just touching your heart.

I was ripping you apart from the inside out.

I was making you numb just like me.

So you wouldn't feel my pain.

Instructions.

I want to inhale second hand smoke, just to feel a buzz.
 I yearn for a love that's false.
     and I still have my warm tears on my soft checks.
       There is vivid pain in every breathe.
           I'm doing this for you.
              I need instructions to get through these days.
                  I tremble just to touch you ....one more god damn time.
                      Even if your skin would burn me, Id take the chance.
                           I did with my heart.
                                        Even if I lost sight of my map.

& I don't have instructions.

Lungs

I had stars in my lungs. But I burned them all out with the cigarettes I was smoking. My lungs are crowded with self hatered. Oh my god I can't breathe. So peel my ribcage back, and cover my heart with love. That someday I'll burn away. But my ribs are bruised, from my heart pounding so hard thinking about you. As you say I'm heartless and I said no, I've just learned to use my heart less. 

As it's harder to breathe, as though my lungs have collapsed. Inhale....exhale. 

We kiss slowly. I see you in my dreams kissing girls who aren't me. Dammit did you look like heaven when I only felt like hell. And something about you is so addictive. What if I told you, your the only thing keeping me alive right now? 

Picked up words.

Because arrows our in our ribs.
We become bitter.
With sand minds.
We go the road not taken, headed right for us. Flying.
The pressure of our parents.
Imaginary Friends, with imaginary promises.
The grief is lying on the bathroom floor, with violence laughs.
Distance between the light.
My breath is sandpaper on my lungs.
My brain is dying for love.
With unfair music.
I have anchored headaches.
And don't you ever wonder,
how did this happen?

How to life.

Print this page out.
Burn it.
Done.
You did life.

My Nicotine Lips and Whiskey breathe.

My nicotine lips don't speak they only know how to,
Inhale you.
My liquor liver can't process without the purity of your pleasure.
I can't get you out of my system, the bodies natural reaction is to absorb you.
You are my deadly poison. You are invisible like the fleeing in my cheeks like
they're pulling in a smile with your nicotine lips.
You are more deadly then my cigarettes and whiskey they at least burn as they go down.
You just make my nicotine lips smile like they never have before.

Alive..

Alive.

We are all fed up of emotions and deepness.

We're fed up of love songs.

And love.

And sadness.

And Happiness.

We're fed up of poetry. And tears, watching the sunrise at 6 am.

We've learned that those thing won't fulfill, what we really want.

And we've always wanted to feel alive.

But now we want to be still. We want to lay somewhere alone, with our eyes closed in silence.

And feel the rush of the stillness mixed with the silence.

And bliss of the loneliness.

We don't want passion, tenderness, or romance. We don't want to be comforted, held, liked or adored. We want the neglect and to be rejected.

To be left alone to feel the beating of our own hearts.

Only then,

in that feeling of complete stillness, a stillness that we imagine is close to death.

Is when we truly feel alive.

Anxiety.

My lungs feel with air. I feel my heart beating faster. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad anxiety. I hate the feeling of this. My stomach hurts, cause I haven't eaten. I've been so overwhelmed. I see you everywhere. Anxiety takes over like a ton of bricks. How do I make this go away, when you were my medication for anxiety. Now it's just gotten worse. You've gone away. So I'll write and write, till my brain stops running. My gears are so rustic though. Now I'm frustrated, do you know what anxiety feel like when your frustrated? He showed me things to piss me off. He expected me to smile and be happy about it. To think a year ago, we were in this spot, so happy. We were so much in love. And now I watch you watch another pretty girl as though it was me. I sit with anxiety and wonder why I was so in love with you. 

Bricks.

I feel like a ton of bricks are hitting my head. My head is throbbing. This thoughts won't stop. I can't make them either. It's 2:00 am. I'm laying in bed with a brick on my chest, my breathing is shallow. And that's alright. Because my head stopped and my heart started. 

Robots

I'm programmed to feel, 

Absolutely nothing. 

I search for a meaning of words 

To make the knowledge in my head bigger. Of what is love. 

When I seared for words I found you. 

Maybe you were programmed to find me. 

And I can't blame you if you think I'm love but darling we are just robots. 

We feel nothing at all. 

Tired.

People ask how are you?

Most common answer: good, just tired.

When teens have to drag themselves out of bed to go to

this place called hell.

Not wanting to wake up because you would

have a better time asleep.

And its really sad,

When waking up is a

reverse nightmare.

Like waking up from a nightmare is

a relief

but now

waking up is a nightmare.

we can't make go away.

#different.

Different.

Dear Different.

Suppose that we didn't end like we did.

Suppose we ended up actually loving each other in a different way.

Yet I'm sitting here thinking to myself how messed up this way is.

How Different, could it have been.

Now I'm sitting half crazy.

Knowing your thinking about me too.
When the only difference I need in my life,
is Not you.

Colors.

The colors change as we grow.

Colors start to fade from our eyes into black and white.

The childhood of our being, slowly crawls out.

Our pleading hearts turn into throbbing hearts.

No longer seeing the colors that made our minds think.

Yet our minds are the color gray.

Our tongues are red.

Our lungs blue.

And are hearts are bruised.

Why Hats.

Hats.

What is so Special.

They sit on our heads to make us look better. or in Reality to hide hat hair.

Our Brains Are Sick

Our Brains are Sick

You become so damaged that we become the

Generation with a huge boom

of depression and eating

disorders, and mental disorders

and its dumb

how we've turned into a generation

labelled as

"Reckless"

but really we're only reckless

with ourselves.

As we are forced to label and put ourselves in clique just to make

it clique in our mind,

that we are normal.

When in this world what is the definition

Of normal anyways.

Normal: Conforming to a standard; usual,

Typical, or expected.